Dogs and Children: Keeping Everyone Safe at Home

Why even good dogs can struggle with normal child behavior, and what adults need to know to prevent stress, conflict and bites.

I’m sure you have seen dogs available for adoption with warnings like “only homes with no children”. But why? Why is it that some dogs can’t tolerate children? After all, they’re just small humans and dogs love humans, don’t they? Let’s talk about that for a minute.

Let me start by telling you a story about my own dog. I have a six-year-old Australian Shepherd that I have had since he was 9 weeks old. He has NEVER had a bad experience with a child, but he’s truly afraid of them. The minute he spots one, he becomes fearful, tries to retreat in the opposite direction and sometimes growls. He’s hyper-vigilant when a school bus is approaching because he knows that it’s full of children, and about 12 of them will come tearing off when it stops.

When he was a puppy, I tried. I really, truly gave it my best shot. While working on socialization and conditioning, I exposed him to playgrounds, school yards, family members with small children paired with high value rewards hoping to make positive associations. If a child offered him a treat, he would never eat it. This let me know that his sympathetic nervous system was in “fight or flight” mode which means that if “flight” is not an option, he’s left with “fight” and that’s when things can take a dangerous turn. As he got older, even with positive interactions, he remained fearful. It wasn’t a lack of conditioning or exposure, it’s just him. It’s his sense of “self”. It’s like me with my fear of spiders. If you put me in a room full of spiders, explaining all the fascinating things about them while feeding me treats, I’m still going to be afraid of them. And if you leave me alone in a room full of spiders, even with the new cool facts, I’m still going to be afraid and smash them when they start getting close to me.

These days, my dog is neutral around areas with children. That’s because I advocate for him, I ask for space, I don’t let children approach, and I say “no” politely when anyone asks to pet him. He trusts me to do that for him. I encourage everyone that has a dog that is fearful of small humans to not force things and advocate for them instead.

I’d also like to talk about normal child behavior that can overwhelm a dog.

Why Some Dogs Struggle with Children

Eye contact. children tend to stare. They will innocently stare lovingly into the dog’s eyes; this is not okay. But this is what children do. Locking eyes with a dog is an invitation to a showdown (no matter what the species is), and staring games with your dog should always be avoided. Children also tend to lean in with their face when they examine something. This act alone is confrontational to a dog.

Children are loud. Sometimes they scream and make sporadic movements creating unnecessary excitement. They jump around and on furniture and run through the house. Running through the house engages the dog’s “chase” drive and things can spiral out of control quickly. Especially if the dog was awakened by sudden, rapid movement and excitement, or in older dogs that are in cognitive decline.

Children like to kiss and hug things and hold them close like stuffed animals. We all want to hug our dogs, but not all dogs are okay with this. Humans (children) are primates that greet and show affection by hugging and kissing. Dogs are canids that greet each other by sniffing rear ends. The act of wrapping your arms around a dog is confining and paired with moving your face close to theirs for a kiss is confrontational. This is a good way to get bitten in the face. Your dog is NOT a primate.

Children often seize the opportunity to cuddle when the dog is resting comfortably. “Let sleeping dogs lie” is not just a metaphor, it’s a rule to live by. This goes for petting the dog, climbing on the dog, or using the dog as a pillow when it is sleeping. Dogs get startled easily, especially when they are sound asleep. Leave the dog alone when it’s resting or sleeping is the best protocol.

Children show interest during a dog’s mealtime, or when they’re chewing on a bone. Food and bones are sustenance and key to the dog’s survival. In fact, everything in the dog’s world is based on survival, including the way they play with each other; they’re playing out “the hunt”. So, while the dog is eating or chewing on their bone, which is “survival”, if they feel threatened that the child might take their bone or food, they may tend to guard, snap or bite. I’ve had many conversations with dog owners who feel that they should be able to put their hands in their dog’s bowls while they are eating. This is outdated and you may be giving your dog a reason to guard their food. EVERYONE in the house should leave the dog alone while it’s eating or chewing on a bone.

Warning Signs to Watch For

Dogs speak in body language, and they may be giving warning signals that they are uncomfortable in interactions with the child around the home. These signals include licking its lips, stiffening up, turning their head away, showing “whale eye”, trying to move away, sniffing, yawning, scratching, raising its hackles, snarling, showing teeth or even growling. Over time, if these warning signs have been ignored things could take a turn for the worse.

Children view dogs as fluffy, kind loveable creatures, but they need to understand that dogs are armed 24/7. They are animals with teeth, boundaries and limits. The dog might have been tolerant of the child’s behavior in the past, but if their warning signs have been ignored, the dog might become snippy with them. Especially as the dog gets older, goes through cognitive decline or starts to experience pain as they age. Older dogs can become cranky when they are hurting, and sometimes you won’t see signs until it’s too late. This is why it is imperative that adults supervise children and teach them how to respect and properly interact with the dog.

Supervision goes hand and hand with guidance and doesn’t mean being in the same room, watching tv or scrolling on your phone. Children may unintentionally provoke a reaction and even the friendliest, most gentle dog can get startled or stressed by normal child behavior.

Rules For Keeping Everyone Safe

Studies show that most dogs bites happen at home, in everyday situations with familiar dogs. So here are some rules that all dog owners who also have children should follow to keep the dogs and children happy and safe.

Stay alert and engaged. Supervise your children around dogs and teach them how to respect the dog.

Use barriers. Crating the dog or using a baby gate will safely separate the dog and child when you will be preoccupied, especially during the dog’s mealtime or when they are chewing on a bone.

Understand your dog’s body language and how to avoid risky situations. If you notice the dog, or the child getting increasingly excited or uncomfortable, intervene early.

Teach your child how to properly pet the dog. Teach your child to use a slow, gentle stroke on the base of the dog’s neck or shoulder to the count of three and then stop petting. If the dog walks away, it’s had enough. If it stays, it’s okay to continue petting. Most dogs do not enjoy being “patted” on top of their head.

Don’t force interactions. If the dog retreats, hides, or goes to lay down somewhere, never drag them back. Respect the dog. This is their way of telling you that they have had enough. Teach your child to let the dog come to them on their own for attention.

Leave the dog alone when it is sleeping, sick or injured.

Teach gentle play. Show your child how to gently toss a toy to fetch, or simple obedience like “sit” or “down”, or some fun easy tricks. Discourage rough play like wrestling or chasing. Rough housing can lead to over excitement in the child and the dog, and this could be a recipe for disaster.

Don’t scare the dog. Some people find this funny and scaring the dog is always a bad idea no matter how old you are. This isn’t fair to your dog, please don’t do this. You are setting your dog up for failure, and it won’t be the dog’s fault if someone gets bit.

No teasing or grabbing at the dog. No pulling their hair, ears or tail. And if I have to say it, no punching, kicking or yelling at the dog.

Children move and behave much differently than adults do. So, not all dogs are going to be good candidates for homes with children. If you currently have a dog and child at home or are thinking of bringing a dog into the home, set firm household rules. Teach the child how to respect and properly engage with the dog. Learn to recognize your dog’s boundaries, limits and warning signals. Ultimately, it’s up to the adult to keep everyone safe and happy.